See you in two years.

April 29, 2016

It’s been two years since my last significant update, some things happened, some things didn’t happen. I’ve thought about stuff. I’m going to write it down, you know, for nostalgia’s sake.

It’s quite ironic that my last post was about commitment. In fact, I think I will start off where that one ended.

In regards to relationships, I’m done with them for the foreseeable future. The relationship with the girl I spoke of in that last post didn’t last long. In January of 2015, I ended that on my terms. It lasted 7 months.

I never wanted a relationship in the first place, and there were some significant factors into that relationship ending. The whole relationship was built on a facade, she kept a pretty significant illness from me (Asperger’s to be precise, I only found out on the third occasion of her public meltdown in the space of as many months) and my belief that it was a relationship that I needed in my life. That could not have been further from the truth. I was not over Daria at the time, how could I have been just 2 months after it ended? Truth be told, I’m still not over Daria, 2 years later.

I’ve had an awful lot of time to dwell since, so I’m going to spam my thoughts down below.

In my last post, I said that I didn’t like Daria as a person. It’s amazing what I tell myself to try and justify my actions, or sometimes other peoples. Daria was the kindest, most heartwarming person I have ever met. She had fierce determination, way more stubborn than me and that takes some beating. She stood up for whatever she believed in, be that being a god damn vegetarian or fighting to get out of the house.

Daria was the only person I could really be myself with, personality wise. She didn’t always like my way of doing things, or saying the things I said but she accepted me for what I was. She accepted my flaws.Whilst I found it annoying at the time, she made me think of the bigger picture. She used to enjoy conversations about life, deep meaningful conversations about anything. She often asked me “What are you thinking”?, which I found annoying at the time, so much so I would berate her for being so fickle. On hindsight, I miss those sort of questions the most. But on hindsight it was at those times I could tell her anything, any worry or moment that I’m thinking and we would talk about it. I rarely repaid that kindness to her, she deserved better than me, no doubt.

Over the space of 12 months, I managed to drive such a large divide between us that I forced her away.

So, I’ve come to think that it’s not that I don’t want a relationship, it’s just that right now I feel like I don’t deserve one. I had my chance at one of those awesome relationships where you say you were teenage sweethearts. A relationship where you truly make sacrifices for each other. I will never find anyone as good as Daria, so I’m just going to wait for that person to find me. I’m perfectly content with that fact that I might never find that person. I’m prepared to be alone for the rest of my life honestly, I’m totally OK with it. But if the person who makes me feel as good about myself as Daria did, or challenge me the way Daria did ever comes along, I know how important that person will be now. And I would like to think I won’t screw it up a second time.

If you asked me two years ago “Would you ever admit Tom was right”, I would have laughed in your face. But, Tom, you were right.

In November of 2015, I was made redundant from my IT Support role. Honestly, it was a blessing in disguise. I started to hate the industry.

I’ve always enjoyed computers. They just come naturally to me, or more so, solving problems comes naturally to me. Rarely my own problems, but solving problems none the less, be it involving computers or not. Working in IT, I started to hate solving problems. A small rattle from my own computer would have otherwise had me scratching my head trying to figure out whats causing it. Yet, I found working with IT all day, the last thing I wanted to do was to come home and figure out why my Nans laptop wasn’t printing, or helping my Dad figure out his diabolical networking issues. I would delay them, put them off for another day. I didn’t want to keep my own rig nice and clean, or see what’s coming up on the horizon to stay on the bleeding edge of technology.

“Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t”.

I went for 4 interviews, got offered two of them. (My flawless record, ruined). I declined them because of the vibes I had when I was being interviewed. But, a recurring theme would constantly show up. They would ask me if I could do tasks or had experience with skills that were not listed on the job description. I needed to get out of this industry for a while.

It was what one of the interviewers asked me just before I left on my last interview:

Interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years time”?

Me: “….I’m not sure yet. I’m only 25.”

Interviewer: “Well, some people resign themselves to being stuck in IT support forever, never progressing. Is that what you seeing yourself doing”?

Me: “I haven’t thought that far ahead. I would like to think I would progress”.

I sat in my car about 15 minutes later, and asked where I would progress to? I’m not one of the people who think they can take on the world, “I can achieve anything” attitude. I’m a realist. I probably will end up sitting there, assigning tickets to people less knowledgeable than me, but paid twice as much in ten years time if I stay in this industry. I will probably still have the same computer, the thought of working on it too much to bear.

It’s time to think outside of the box.

I had about 4 weeks of browsing, and was chatting with my Dad at the time.

I was making a checklist of all the things I wanted in a job:

  • £20k +
  • Possibility of overtime
  • Some responsibility
  • As a little amount of time in an office environment or sitting for long periods of time with other employees who moan.
  • A degree of flexibility

My Dad instantly made a suggestion.

Bus Driver.

I laughed at first. I’ve never driven anything bigger than my Step Dads Audi, I will never be able to drive a bus. My Dad has been driving buses for almost 4 years now. He remarked that the job is easy, the pay is decent, you can request your working hours/days, change shifts with colleagues and they internally list their jobs before listing them inside the company. They offer progression throughout (He has been offered a more senior role recently, which he declined because “he can’t be arsed”).

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So, I decided to apply. It’s free training, a guaranteed job if you pass. The garage is about a 5 minute drive from home, whats the worst that can happen?

The process has taken 4 months. I’ve had to sit 8 tests, a mixture of theory and practical. But, I’m now in the position to say I hold a Category D licence and I’m considered a ‘Professional Driver’. I start my job officially on Friday 6th May.

The catch is that I’m obligated to remain with the company for at least 2 years. If I leave early, I owe them some of the costs of what they invested into me to get me qualified. I can stick it for 2 years .

None of those factors I listed earlier really sold the job for me. What really did, was the people I met through the process. Every single person I met has been kind, happy and to a point, rather over-friendly. I’ve spoken to drivers who say “You know, it isn’t the BEST job you can get, but it’s pretty damn good. You are your own boss in a sense”. Nobody has ever said that it’s the best job in the world. Nobody has said that nothing ever goes wrong, or they never have a bad day. But that’s what I like about it. Everyone is honest.

The companies expectations were outlined from day one. Transport passengers from A to B safely. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less. There hasn’t been any hidden agendas or bullshit, just plain and simple transparency.

And when the time comes in two years, I can bail. I have some plans for those two years in terms of personal development. I’m not going to talk about those, because in two years time, I don’t want to write that I haven’t achieved any of them. But, I’m going to try my best.

And if I want to, I can try something new. If I have the opportunity, I can move on in the company. I already have my eye on something, but I’m yet to transport a single passenger.

Let’s wait this one out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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